A Proper Time for Accepting Marcus Cole
by ann no aku
Summary: A very sad romance between Susan Ivanova and Marcus Cole.


A Proper Time for Accepting Mr. Cole  
  
General Disclaimer: All characters belong to JMS, song belongs to Metallica.  
  
Author's Note: Very morbid and sad. I also wrote this about 2 years ago when I suffered chronic depression. Takes place in no particular setting, it all comes into place at the end.  
  
Fade to Black  
by Metallica  
"Life it seems, will fade away  
Drifting further everyday  
Getting lost within myself  
Nothing matters, no one else  
I have lost the will to live  
Simply nothing mroe to give  
There is nothing more for me  
Need the end to set me free  
  
Things not what they used to be  
Missing one inside of me  
Deathly lost, this can't be real  
Couldn't stand this hell I feel  
Emptiness is filling me  
To the point of agony  
Growing darkness, taking dawn  
I was me, but now he's gone  
  
No one but me can save myself, but it's too late  
Now I can't think, think why I should even try  
  
Yesterday seems as though it never existed  
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye."  
  
Complete darkness, with the exception of the light bulb occasionaly flickering on by itself. Water had somehow managed to seep into the cell, making his stay even more uncomfortable. Rusty, abandonded chains hung loosely to the stone walls. While he was wating impatiently for the eternal darkness to swallow him whole, he thought of her.  
Her long brown hair that hung loosely and elegantly over her broad shoulders, crystalline blue eyes that penetrated his soul, and a smile that could brighten even his darkest hours--those were the features of his love Susan Ivanova.  
She was no modern Cindy Crawford nor Kathy Ireland; she didn't need to be. Sure, her face was a little pale, her hips not slim, and her breasts not a busty DD, but he still loved her.  
Why? he thought. Nothing but grief from her for as long as I've known her. Everyman falling at her feet. Why must I be another one of those men?  
He could hear her voice even now, husky as though she had just woken. He could see her dressed in the silky sapphire nightgown that he had managed to see on her once or twice. But she was just a fantasy. She didn't love him.  
Didnt she?  
"Daddy!" Brown curls bounced freely around the face of his six year old daughter. She possesed the same grey eyes as Marcus, but the rest was a mirror image of Susan Ivanova.  
"Yes, dear?"  
"Dinner's ready!"  
"So soon?"  
"Yep!" she giggled, then stopped suddenly.  
"Sophie . ."  
"Daddy, I love you." the gilr hugged him tightly.  
He kissed her forehead, then took in his surroundings. He was at a beach dressed in his Sunday best, but his first few buttons open. Crystal structures proudly stood around the elegant waters. Tenderly, he fingered the quartz pendant he was to give to his wife.  
"Tell your mother . .I am on my way."  
Reality struck. Just another fantasy. We never wed, Susan and I never wed . .it was all an illusion.  
Hope.  
The cell door creaked open with an eerie cre-ack. A bliding white light filled the dungeon.  
"A-Am I dead?" the man managed to choke out. He felt someone pick him up, a sturdy yet tender arm.  
"Shh. . ."  
  
Beauty. She stood at her highest, her radiant smile penetrated all that he was. Dressed in nothing but a silky white gown, she drove him crazy. The gentle wind blew he hair behind her against the moon.  
"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down next to him.  
"Nothing," he smiled.  
"I've known you too long for it to be nothing." her own smile had faded.  
Could she know-? "The cancer . ."he couldn't bring himself to say the words.  
A loving hand patted his amr. "We've been through too much to allow cancer to stand between us. After all you've done for me. I never did say thank you."  
"You didn't ask for my help. I did it out of love. You owe me nothing."  
"I owe you my life. The doctor said that I can help with your cancer-"  
"No. I will not lsoe you again."  
"You never had me . ."  
  
"C'mon."  
He felt his feet being dragged against the tile floor. His head hung low. "W-Who-?"  
"Shh . .we're almost there."  
  
He didn't sleep well that night. His wife hugged his chest, her hair softly spilled from him to the plush white bed. They had made love for the last time, and she was asleep.  
"Cancer . ." the wind spoke.  
No. I won't die. Not again.  
"Aaarrrgggghhh!" Flashbacks of his dying cam eo tmind.  
"SUSAN!" But he had saved her.  
Now she wanted to save him.  
She was saving him.  
  
"Cancer." he gasped.  
"Doctor?" the voice asked. Husky. Feminine.  
"Remember, he's been there for two months." a deep voice responded.  
"How's his memory?"  
"He has a concussion, Susan."  
"Will he die?"  
"Susan . ."  
"Will he?!"  
  
"Okay," he consented at the breakfast table the next morning.  
"What?" she asked, fixing Sophie orange slices.  
"How can you helo me?" he inquired.  
"I can give you a piece of my-"  
"No . .I want no 'piece' of you!"  
"Why not?"  
"Why must you risk yourself for me?"  
She pulled out a knife. "Need I remind you?"  
"I don't want to die," he admitted.  
"Neither do I."  
  
"No! Are you crazy?" the doctor exlaimed.  
"It's his only way to survive!"  
"No. Susan, look, what you're asking . .I cannot allow."  
"Please . ."  
"You'll both die!"  
"Not If I give up my life for him . .as he had done for me!"  
"No. Sorry."  
  
"I don't want you to die, either. Not for me."  
"I was supposed to be dead years ago."  
"No, you weren't." he coughed, blood stained his hand. "No . ."  
"You're dying."  
"I'm dying."  
  
"I love you, damn it! Wake up!" she hit his chest.  
"He entered a coma. He has stayed alive long enough for you to save him."  
"It wasn't enough . ."  
"Shh . ."  
  
It wasn't painful. It was . .beautiful. Pain stopped. He could breathe clearly.  
"You fought with bravery," an old and dead comrade complimented. "I'm proud."  
"Brother, what took you so long! I've missed you!"  
Brother? I'm dead? It happened. Just as I was saved, and I was going places.  
"Welcome," the familiar God greeted.  
Can I go back?  
"I love you, damn it!"  
Susan!  
"Sleep . ." Valen, his future, commanded. 


End file.
